the last

(I wish I had a charming picture of Vivienne nursing to insert here, but girlfriend would never keep nursing if I tried taking her picture)

About a year ago, I read a blog on the NYT Motherload where the author noted that parents always mark the firsts in their children's lives, but not usually the lasts. Well, yesterday I nursed Vivienne for the last time in the morning. Each morning for the past month I had the thought in my mind that 'this could be the last time I nurse her' because she has been sending some pretty clear signals that she's ready to stop the morning nurse. By the time Scott gets her, she's usually been up for at least 45 minutes and the last thing she wants to do is to come into the bed with me and eat. She's ready to start her day and when Avery gets up and going, it's all over. 

So yesterday, I had it in the back of my head that this might be the last morning nurse but hadn't made any final decisions - call it some emotional reluctance to make something final. It only lasted about 5 minutes and then that little head was twisting and turning to see her boys. Later in the day, I just knew she was ready to be done and that the weaning I've been mentally preparing for (she is not interested unless she's really tired and we're in the dark nursery and there is no noise whatsoever) was to start. 

I wondered if it was better to look back and know that was the last time and move on, or if it was better to nurse Tuesday knowing going in that that was indeed our final morning nurse. I decided that it was better to look back and let Monday get absorbed into the rhythm of our daily life and move on. Otherwise I would have expended a lot of needless energy anticipating the last moments.

I am feeling very emotional about weaning knowing this is the last time I will get to experience breast feeding. Nourishing two children with my body has been extremely powerful coupled with insanely tedious (you remember Ode to a Breast Pump?), but I know it's time to wind down. And even though I am feeling sad and a little reluctant, it's not a reason to keep doing something that I know my daughter is mostly done with.

Oh, and let's look at the very bright side of things...no more pumping is on the horizon! I going to go down to 3 times per day for awhile and at a yet-to-be-determined point in time, I will reduce further from there.

So there we have it. The last morning nurse.