popsicles

Avery and I made homemade popsicles. They were a hit, but next time I might try and hide some veggie puree in there! Shhh...

boulder

Running on the bridge.

We do not travel lightly. It took 2 cars to get us here.

He was so not into to pop fountains.

This lasted about 1 minute before he was d.o.n.e.

Ah, it's much more fun to watch.

While Mel and Heidi were in town we took a trip up to Boulder for the morning. Avery had lots of fun playing on the Pearl Street Mall except for the pop jet fountain debacle. I swear, we have one of the most unadventurous two year olds on the planet. I sometimes wonder if he'll ever be one of those kids running around without a care in the world or if he'll remain our cautious observer. Probably the latter.

smiles magoo

5 days old.
I don't know if this 100% counts as a smile, but I love this face.

7 days old.

13 days old.

20 days old.

At first we just thought it was just random facial movements causing the "smiles," but after 3 weeks of life, Scott and I just know that they are actual SMILES. Actually, it only took a few days of interacting with her to realize that we have a smiley baby, when she's awake that is.

At 3 weeks old today, Vivienne is still a very easy baby. She only wakes up a night to eat and then goes right back to sleep. Even though she only sleeps in 2 hour, sometimes 2.5 hour increments, we are generally getting enough sleep to not be sleep deprived, just a little tired. In addition, she doesn't wake us up with crying, just increased breathing and some fussiness. For those of you who don't know, she's a pretty loud breather because she is a BOOGER FACTORY. Even Nose Frida (the most amazing Sweedish snot sucker) can't keep up with her atomic strength snot. This causes her to have a chronically stuffy nose, but there are no worries because she's still eating like a champ.

She's currently going through a little growth spurt which means she's eating more and sleeping more (if that's possible). She had started spending more time awake and alert but then the growth spurt hit and it's good night, Gracie. The only time she really cries is when I used the above mentioned Nose Frida. It's hit or miss during clothes or diaper changes. She will sleep just about anywhere (except the swing) and loves milk.

I am enjoying every minute of her at this age but am also looking forward to seeing her personality develop and to truly know if she's a smiles magoo.

two weeks old

Happy Two Week Birthday to our beautiful Vivienne. We are already so very in love with you!

family photo

Family photo. Wait, don't you people realize that you have TWO kids!?!? Where's Avery?

There he is. He refused to be in the pictures.

first photo shoot

Somehow I turned into a mom who puts her daughter in girlie girl clothes with coordinating headbands. Wow.

a math problem

The levothyroxine must be taken in the morning on an empty stomach with a full glass of water AND at least 4 hours before any vitamin/mineral supplements.

The More Milk Plus tincture should be taken 3 times daily while avoiding any other liquid consumption for 15 minutes prior and after.

The prenatal vitamins need to be taken after a meal with water.

The nursing mother needs to consume at least 64 ounces of water daily.

The nursing mother also needs to consume an extra 500 calories per day.

The nursing child feeds every 3 hours, every 1.5 hours from 6pm to 11pm.

Question: Devise an equation that determines when in the hell am I supposed to fit this all in and not overlap?

Extra credit, 10 bonus points: Add a glass of wine to the equation to be consumed right after nursing so that the alcohol has metabolized by the next feeding.

Due Friday.

the big brother

He is always putting his head next to hers.

I daresay he's positively beaming.

Helping to feed Sister (surprisingly, he does know her name is Vivienne).

Already hatching plans together.

I told you about the heads together!

I love that he's looking right at her.

Finish with a kiss.

Avery is a phenomenal big brother. He loved her instantaneously. He always has to know where "my sister" is at all times, what she's doing doing, where she's going and so on. He loves to touch her toesies and hold her hand. He has shown zero anger or resentment towards her, even though she keeps mommy very occupied with all of that nursing. In fact, I will go as far to say that I think his behavior has actually improved a little since Vivi arrived. Avery had been the poster child for the Terrible Two's leading up to Sister's birth, and even though we still have our moments, he's not nearly as frustrating. Thank you, Sister and thank you Aunt Sarah, Grandma Carole, Papa Mel and Grandma Heidi for playing with him and ensuring that he still has a well balanced, active life!

And yes, Avery knows her name is Vivienne, but we rarely refer to her as that in front of him. She's Sister. Avery's Sister and I don't think that he would have it any other way.

vivienne's arrival | homecoming

I think we both look TERRIBLE...this is what only 1 day in the NICU will do to parents.

Vivi being carried out by one of the fantastic NICU nurses.

All set to go!

Avery, look who is finally home!

Giving her footie a kiss.

She looks just like a doll.

Coming home was amazing. We were grateful. We were ecstatic. We were exhausted.

We were a family.

vivienne's arrival | letter from daddy

Here is a copy of the email Scott sent out. I love that we have something from his point of view.

Well it has been an up and down 48 hours in Turbow land.

Baby Vivienne was born Tuesday at 3:23PM, weighing in at 7lbs 13 oz and 20.5 inches long. (A full 10 ounces and 1.5 inches bigger than Avery.)

Cassie checked into the hospital at about 11AM after a scheduled morning doctor appointment. Between 11 and 1:30 nothing was happening and we were BORED. She sent me out to get her lunch and a DVD and when I got back 40 minutes later, things had changed and Cassie began active labor. Active labor, since Cassie did it completely without drugs, basically consisted of her screaming like a banshee and asking for a god she doesn't believe in. If I didn't feel so bad for her, I would have laughed out loud. After about an hour of this, Cassie got out of the bath, her water immediately broke and she pushed a beautiful baby girl out a whopping 7 minutes later. I even got to take the baby as it came out and put it on Cassie's chest as well as cut the cord. (Prior to giving me the scissors to cut the cord the midwife gave me an extra look and said, are you sure you are ready to handle scissors and I looked back at her and clear as a bell, said, "Sure, why are you asking?" I guess that some people are a little shaky with the scissors. Me, I was excited and happy to be able to do something to help) Baby and momma were fine after delivery and things looked good.

Then Wednesday morning, things turned trepidatious. Vivienne exhibited shortness of breath and quickened breathing as well as a heart murmur. The murmur was not too concerning and is not abnormal for babies but combined with the quick breaths, we were worried that either she was sick, her heart was showing an abnormality or a host of other issues. So that meant she got admitted to the Nic-U, the intensive care unit for babies yesterday at about noon. It was heart breaking!

Walking into that Nic-U for the first time was one of the scariest moments of my entire life, not knowing what was wrong and not being able to fix it. TERRIBLE! So we have spent the last 24 hours wondering if she was OK, having her attached to tubes and constantly checked on poked and prodded by the nurses who were great but only wanted to make sure she was OK.

After a few hours in the Nic-U, her breathing was fine and then they checked her heart and that looked good as well. She was nursing like a champ and all tests were good, except her blood sugar was low (Yeah, a new worry!) So Cassie and I spent the night, mainly sleeping in chairs, stealing a couple of hours back in her room, but feeding, burping, cuddling and loving gorgeous Vivi. Last night they told us they thought she would have to stay at least one more night under observation. Overall, while in the Nic-U, she did well but they were still a little worried which was obviously disconcerting. Cassie and I however, had high hopes since the tests kept looking good, other than her sugar which was OK, just not perfect. So this morning, we were waiting for the doctor rounds and loving baby Vivi when I went out to get Cassie a bagel (eating is not her top priority right now although it should be) and when I got back....

THE NURSE SAID VIVI WAS READY TO GO HOME!!! What shocking great news! Totally unexpected as Cassie and I were gearing up for another night sleeping on chairs or taking a break in her room, her sleeping on a bed, me sleeping on a bed that comes out of the closet (is that a Murphy bed and if so, what kind of devil man was Murphy making a hard plastic bed that comes out of a closet, who dares call that a bed? And plastic pillows on top, comfy!)

So in the end, all looks good. We are preparing to check out Vivi and take her home. Avery is excited to have everyone home although he has loved spending the last two days with Auntie Sarah (you are the best Sarah, THANKS!) especially because every meal includes chocolate or a "picnic" on the couch.

Thanks for everyone's love and support. It is all working out in the end and we are just so EXCITED to take Vivienne home.

There are some great pictures of her on the website www.picasaweb.google.com/cturbow and even some great ones when Avery came to visit yesterday morning before Vivi got admitted. It is good to be a complete family and oh the joy of the comforts of home.

Love to all,

Scott, Cassie, Big Brother Avery and Baby Girl Vivienne

vivienne's arrival | NICU

Taking a much needed nap.

I don't even know what to say here. It makes my heart sad just looking at this.

After a relatively restful night of sleep, Vivi was ready for her first full day of life. The first day in the hospital is filled with thousands of people coming in and out of the room, checking vitals, asking for money, leaving and picking up forms, asking inane questions, etc. We were visited by a snooty resident Dr. who looked no older than 15 who proclaimed the baby to be in perfect health. Well, shortly thereafter, while I was in the shower the attending Dr. came in and noted some concerning things about Vivi, particularly her increased respiratory rate (tachypnea) and a heart murmur. This requires a call to the neonatologist who quickly decides that Vivi needs to be admitted to the NICU for further testing and monitoring. The NICU can provide the one on one care that she needs at this point.

This all happened concurrently with Avery's visit and ended with me leaving a crying toddler in my room as I walked my newborn to the NICU. Awful. Vivi was quickly hooked up to several lines to monitor her heart rate, respiratory rate and blood oxygen levels. The cardiac ultrasound tech was already there saying that she was told to get to the NICU, stat! Not something a new mom wants to hear. She was also taken for a chest xray as there was concern about the condition of her lungs.

After her initial assessment and tests, I got to do kangaroo care with her and it was wonderful. I loved that I could still provide a comfortable and loving place for her to sleep. I need to note that the chairs/recliners in the NICU are quite possible the most uncomfortable pieces of furniture ever made, thus making sleeping by her next to impossible. Meaning, I had to return to my room, "sleep" only to get a call when Vivi was ready to eat. I was with her as much as possible during the day, but I did have to leave to eat or use my cell phone.

The first time I returned to the NICU after her admittance was quite possibly one of the worst moments of my life. I was not only sad for her but for all of the other babies. I cried and cried feeling totally and completely helpless. Scott and I became slaves to the beeping machines and watching her respiratory rate fluctuate between normal and alarming. We would whip our heads around whenever the alarm would sound which happened a lot because the machine would lose her signal when she moved around.

That night was totally draining. Trying to sleep in my hospital room knowing my new baby was all alone tortured me, but I knew that I was best served getting at least a little sleep. I missed her with all of my emotions and all of my body. It is completely unnatural to be separated like that from one's newborn, but I knew that's where she needed to be.

Overnight, the nurses developed concern about her blood sugar and I was nursing as much as possible while also pumping like a crazy person. This only produced the tiniest bit of colostrum which I eagerly sucked up in a syringe to feed to her. Thankfully, it was usually sufficient to raise her levels. Eventually, we agreed to supplement with formula and her glucose levels stabilized.

This was the longest night of my life. At one point the nurses asked if I had an outfit for her and my brain flat lined. Does not compute. How could I possibly be thinking about outfits while my child was hooked up to an impressive array of machines? The nurses did however have some cute onesies that they put on her while I was sleeping.

In the morning, when I returned to my room from a NICU visit, my nurse said, "You're being discharged." My god, this was the best news I had ever heard. Scott and I were preparing for another night at the hospital and even though we planned to be at rounds, we somehow missed the Dr.'s visit where she decided that Vivienne could go home. I was elated and couldn't believe how incredibly lucky all of us were. There were still a dozen or so very sick babies still there with parents enduring the daily torture of having a child in the NICU. Vivi's echocardiogram and chest xray came back normal, her breathing stabilized and her blood sugar levels were no longer of concern.

When I returned to the NICU, Vivi's nurse told me that I looked 10 years younger, and I felt it. Scott and I could not get out of there fast enough, but we had to wait for her to wake up and get one more feed in before we could leave. We both sat there, watching her sleep knowing that in just a few short hours we would be going home.

vivienne's arrival | family of four

Turbow - party of four.

Checking out Sister.

Holding hands.

I can't believe I have two babies!

Avery came to meet his Sister the following morning. He was very excited to finally meet this person we've been talking about and preparing for. And yes, like everyone said, he seemed huge! All of a sudden my baby had a giant head, giant feet, acres of hair, and eyelashes for days.

Even as I write this, I know that I am still adjusting to mothering two children who are at very different stages of their lives with very different needs. Vivi needs care, warmth and protection - the purest of maternal loves. Avery's needs are a little more nuanced as we muddle through the terrible twos, deal with bad listening and bad attitudes, encourage his mental and physical development, define and redefine boundaries, all while providing an underlying base of unconditional love. Like all two year olds, he can be the MOST charming, smartest, funniest human alive and a split second later...spawn of satan (I stole that from Stacy, but think that it's appropriate).

Our family meet and greet was unfortunately cut short because Vivi was being admitted to the NICU and the nurse came to take her while Avery was there, and I had to go with the baby and leave my crying toddler behind.

Looking back on this moment, I can't get a clear mental picture of how I was feeling or what I experienced because the night in the NICU has clouded my memory. However, there will be subsequent posts about what a great big brother Avery is and how we're adjusting to life with Vivi, and even though I do remember him walking into the room to meet her, I have many more memories of the life with two that has only just begun.

On a final note, Avery asked me shortly after he walked into the room, "Mama what's in here?" while patting my tummy, and I was thrilled to be able to respond, "Just food."

vivienne's arrival | visitors

I think we captured the exact moment when Aunt Sarah fell totally in love.

Stacy and Vivi

Cathryn and Vivi

Mommy and Vivi

Vivi

Since Vivi was born in the afternoon, but late evening I was ready for some visitors from the adult group. I wanted to save Avery meeting Sister until the morning when I had had a chance to recoup a little and get over the initial shell shock of natural childbirth.

So, Aunt Sarah, Stacy, Cathryn and Mady came by and I regaled them with what had just happened and introduce them to the newest little girl in their lives. It was awesome to share her with such dear family and friends.

vivienne's arrival | birth story

We have a daughter!

Falling in love.

In love.

She was much bigger than I thought and outweighed Avery by 10 ounces.

Daddy's go to calming technique. Very effective.

Enjoying her first bath.

We can't take our eyes off of her.

A quiet moment with Mom.

Week 36 - 39:

Lots of braxton hicks contractions, some even 5 minutes apart for a few hours, but nothing too serious. I knew for the most part that they were all practice contractions.

Monday July 5:

I can't wait any longer (my misery factor had reached peak levels) so I switched my Wednesday acupuncture appointment to today (acupuncture started my labor with Avery). I made the initial appointment on Wednesday to try and have the baby on Sarah's birthday, the 8th, but the thought of being pregnant for two more days was just more than I could wrap my head around. Sorry, Sarah.

When I got home, Scott, Avery and I went for our last family of three walk down Col-fax (Avery's favorite street) to get me a decaf iced coffee.

That night, my contractions intensified and I slept on the sofa because it was more comfy. I knew that when I got up, things would start so I wanted to maximize rest time.

Tuesday July 6:

Early morning: When I woke up, my contractions became a little stronger and more regular. I knew I was in early labor. Scott and I had a midwife appointment at 8:30am (we also had a Dr. appointment the morning of Avery's birth, and were comforted by the familiar time table we were experiencing). However, per our tradition, Scott and I got into a little tiff that morning (we also got into it on our wedding night) because he was running later than I would have liked. Well, I lost my patience and said, "I should just drive myself," which he countered, "Go ahead." So I did.

We made up by the time we got to see the midwife because I really didn't want to be angry with him on the day of our daughter's birth. Annoyed, maybe, but not angry. The midwife checked me and said that I was 4cm dilated and 100% effaced which is enough to get one a direct check-in to the labor and delivery ward of St. Joe's. However, since we had two cars in the parking lot, we decided to go home, consolidate the vehicles and relax. The Price is Right was on. My contractions started to increase in frequency and were a little more painful. I knew they were real labor contractions but still nothing too terrible.

Since I had tested positive for group B strep, we had to get to the hospital a little earlier than I would have liked in order to get at least one round of antibiotics in. We called the doula and she met us there. I was encouraged when we left the house that my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and getting more painful. However, after we got checked into the hospital, they really dropped off and I quickly became bored. Yes, I was in labor and I was bored.

We watched some of the World Cup, I got my antibiotics, monitored the baby, was annoyed by the doula (who impressively recognized this and excused herself for awhile), checked my facebook, sat on an exercise ball with nipples, put some stinky rice filled sock on my belly, yadda, yadda, yadda. Around 1:30pm I told Scott to go get some lunch and a movie thinking that we were going to be there for quite a while.

While Scott was gone, the delivery midwife checked me and I was 5cm dilated. Yeah, that's right, I dilated a whopping 1cm in 5 hours. If I hadn't made progress she was thinking about sending me home. She also mentioned breaking my bag of waters to get things going and I told her I would discuss it with my husband when he got back from getting lunch.

By the time Scott got back around 2:20pm, a change had in intensity had occurred. My contractions were definitely painful, requiring some good old fashioned moaning. From there, things started go at lightening speed.

* I start begging Scott for an epidural telling him I can't do this and I don't want to do this. He did not give in and offered encouragement. I knew that this was going to happen and we had talked about what his response should be when the time came and he did marvelously. I think the fantasy of being able to escape that pain helped me a little. However, I do think that I knew I could do it because I didn't ask the doula or nurse for drugs, just Scott.

* I'm having trouble using the word pain for what I experienced. My contractions with Avery before the epidural were excruciatingly painful and what happened to me on July 6 was on a totally different scale. There was the most intense pressure coupled with the most violent pain. There are no words.

* The doula runs a bath and even though I make it to the bathroom, I cannot get into the tub. I stand there naked for some time trying to find a moment between the contractions to get in.

* At some point I start screaming because that's the only way I can get through what my body is doing. And I'm not talking "roller coaster" screaming, I talking warrior, banshee wailing, the loudest noise I can possible make. I was that woman and probably freaked more than a few people on the L&D ward out.

* I finally make it into the tub, but the pressure on my bottom was the most intense, awful feeling and I have a death grip on the safety rails and continue my screaming. I remember telling the doula that I can't and she made me make eye contact with her. That split second helped me focus, but soon after I was back to my banshee self.

* I think that I have to push. For some reason, I didn't think it was the baby, but I thought that pushing would relieve the pressure. Saying this put everyone into overdrive because you are not allowed to give birth in the bath tub. Scott ran to the nurses station to see how best to haul me out of the tub, came back and got me out. Someone put a blanket around me and got me to stand next to the bed.

* Everything at this point is a total blur. I had my glasses off, but I was also blinded by pain/pressure. The nurses and/or midwife try and get me into bed but I can't move. Eventually, I slink down on a narrow sliver of bed and returned my death grip on the bed rails. There is more screaming.

* The nurse checked me and my water broke. This relieved the heinous pressure in my bottom but instantly transferred into, "That's someone's head down there!!!" I was at 10cm and ready to go.

* Since I had slinked, I was on my right side, so Scott was instructed to lift up my left leg so that I could push. The midwife told the doula to stop talking so that she could instruct me (in between all of the screaming) and help me deliver the head.

* I. Felt. Everything. Forehead. Eyebrows. Nose. Cheeks. Mouth. Chin. Shoulder (oh, the shoulder!)

* I did not let up my pushing which could have let the baby slip back in, but instead was guided by the midwife and delivered her head and shoulder. At this point she had Scott come around (it did not feel good to have my leg dropped) so that he could reach down and deliver the rest of the baby. This was the moment for him. He reached down and grabbed the baby under her arms and put her on my chest. A few moments later, he cut the cord and our baby was out!

What a moment. What a feeling. The intensity was staggering. I was SO overwhelmed with both joy and whatthehelljusthappened. I cried. She cried. He cried. Vivienne Sam Turbow was finally here. Those first few moments with her were filled with love, joy, disbelief, physical pain (it still hurt after she was born), wonder, shock and awe.

Vivi started nursing right away and I was reluctant to take her off my breast so that Scott could hold her. Avery was not a great nurser and I wanted another chance with her. He was not happy with me, relatively speaking because as he told me later, "I fell in love the second I saw that blue Smurfette." Vivi was quite blue when she was born. She also peed and pooped on me. She stayed with me for over an hour before before the tortured Daddy got to hold his little girl. I could see the wash of LOVE come over Scott as he bonded with his daughter.

Eventually, the nurse came in to give her a bath and get her stats. I was shocked that she was so big relative to Avery. 7 pounds 13.5 ounces versus 7 pounds 3 ounces since I had gained only 28 pounds with her and 42 with Avery.

Vivi loved getting her hair washed (she still does) and cried during the body cleaning portion. Soon, we were packed up and moved to the recovery room. I still felt very shell shocked about the birth and am honestly still processing it. I am proud that I did it because I would have always wondered and regretted it if I hadn't, but it was hell. I was expecting to feel that high women talk about right away, but I didn't. It hurt too badly and the pain did not go away after she came out. It took awhile. I did experience what I described as 'post partum euphoria' for about a week after her birth and I think that it was a version of that high I was hoping for. I keep describing it as a 'cocoon of love' that surrounded me and Vivi. I didn't want to be out of contact with her for one as we bonded. It was a marvelous experience and if I got that because of the natural childbirth, then it was worth it. I want to thank everyone, mostly Sarah, who watch Avery during this time because I felt secure knowing that he was well cared for in order for me to bond with his Sister. I will always cherish this time.

In addition, Vivi was much more responsive and alert right after birth than Avery was and that's the biggest difference I noticed. After Avery's birth, we both acted like we had just been abducted by aliens, probed and returned to Earth. Plus, Avery had some respiratory distress which I learned can be caused by epidurals. I don't know what can be attributed to natural v. medicated births, but I'm thankful that I got to experience both. Now, ask me if should we have a third child which route would I go and I would have to get back to you on that.