pink

There is a backlash against 'pink' and 'princess' as it pertains to little girls. There are countless articles and books arguing that when a society only values girls because of their looks it undermines and devalues her intelligence and any other special qualities she might have. I agree with this. Women are objectified in our society, and while rampant, it's nothing new. Women have fought for decades to be valued for more than our sexual potential. I was a Women's Studies major should you forget.


My issue is that some people have traced this objectification of woman all the way back to infancy. They claim that the only place to go from a 4 year old princess is to slutty middle schooler and vapid teenager and somehow 'pink' and 'princess' have become the reigning symbols of those values. I do not think the path is to vanity and sexual object is that linear. 

As someone with a daughter who loves pink, I've done lots of thinking about this. It irks me to think that a few inherent qualities that my daughter has sentences her to a life of vanity and objectification. I sometimes wonder if Viv loves pink because of some sort of external pressure or that she chose pink to distinguish herself from her brother, but then I think back to when she was 11 months old and I took her to the toy store for the first time. When we rounded the corner into the baby doll aisle, pink as far as the eye could see, Vivienne acted as though she had returned to the mother ship. She was screaming, "Me! Me! Me!" flapping her little arms and had a huge smile on her face. She boot scootched her way around relishing in all that pink.

Vivienne is feminine. At two, more so than I'll ever be. She is who she is. She is also articulate, sweet, smart, silly, kind, opinionated, bossy and helpful. It really bothers me that being feminine has become the enemy and that there is a push for everyone to be more gender neutral or for girls to have more masculine qualities. I love that she is feminine. I want to celebrate it. It is a good quality.

Some things are hard wired. Getting Vivienne to unlike pink would be like getting Avery to stop putting everything in straight lines, but OCD tendencies do not carry the same political discourse as that darn color. I want to give my children an environment where they can explore who they are, try on many hats, and be comfortable and confident in who they are. If she wants to dress in all pink or like a princess, I will let her.

Honestly though, I don't love princesses, especially Disney princesses, but not necessarily because of the "values" they supposedly teach little girls. It's more the commercialization of childhood that I'm skeptical about. We do have some character toys and I'm not bothered when more enter our house. Heck, it was the princess sippy cups that got Vivienne to give up the bottle and that's the only Disney princess stuff she has. I just don't want my children to be walking billboards for corporate America. Everything in moderation.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned about parenting is that you have to follow your children's lead. The way I teach, discipline and play with my kids is based on their personalities and mine, not some preconceived notion of what kind of parent philosophy I subscribe to. As they grow, I grow. My techniques and strategies evolve as the kids go through different phases. I say all of this because I'm not going to make any parenting decisions about middle school Vivienne until she's there. I can't predict what her struggles will be or where she will need me to guide her or where she'll want me to back off. I certainly have a list of values I hope she acquires but those are what I call marathon goals. They take the entire course of childhood to instill, develop and encourage. The sprints are getting everyone to bedtime with as little damage as possible.   

Vivienne will probably go through periods where her looks are very important to her. She will intentionally dress provocatively (like in college or when she goes to Vegas). She will have to deal with societal pressure to be thin and pretty. I am sure we will have fights about how short her skirts and shorts are. She will have to figure out her own values and I hope she will end up in a place where she is confident and comfortable in her own skin, but I refuse to believe she's damned to a life a vapid mirror gazing because at two, she loves pink. It may happen for other reasons, but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

So yes, I will buy my daughter pink things and encourage her femininity. I will tell her she's beautiful. I will tell her she's smart. I will encourage her interests. I will be there in whatever capacity I can when she struggles. I will give her the space to grow into her own woman. 

I will however, offer grown Vivienne once piece of advice:


If you don't want to be treated like an object, don't act...or dress, like one.